We recently became home to the Stonewall archive. Stonewall has played a crucial role in various campaigns for lesbian, gay and bisexual equality over the past 25 years. Their recent publication 'LGBT Voices: SHARING OUR PAST, SHAPING OUR FUTURE' shares 25 stories from LGBT people who have lived through inequalities and experiences that are rarely reflected on television, in books, in films or in our schools. Here is one of those stories:
I grew up in a little place called Long Eaton, between Nottingham and Derby. I was the only black child at school. In fact, because I was born in the '50s, I've been so used to being the only black person anywhere! We settled there because my Dad came over in the war and met my Mum.
In those days the American soldiers were in charge of the black soldiers that came over from the Caribbean, and any social activities, my Dad and his troop weren't allowed to join in, it was only for white soldiers. The mayor, or whoever it was, some bigwig in Long Eaton, decided that that wasn't good enough, so a small town called Long Eaton put on dances and social sorts of activities, and everybody was included. That's where my Dad met my Mum, and they were married in 1947.
I was married to my husband for 28 years and we adopted two children, a boy and a girl. I divorced in 2003. I don't know whether I've always been a lesbian or whether it was just Jenny I fell in love with. My daughter found the transition difficult, but once I bought this place and she came to live with me, she's been fine. She's so lovely, because she said "Actually Mum, it gave me a bit of kudos in the gang!" She said "My friends are really proud of me that I've got a gay Mum!"
But my Mum and Dad were beside themselves with rage. I actually had a breakdown and was ill for a year as a result of it. I didn't see my Mum for weeks and weeks. My birthday came and she wrote to me and she said "I'm just distraught I can't bear not being with you, not having you in my life." So we met up at the village hotel, and there were lots of hugs and tears.
Part of the rift was healed but, at that time, she really wouldn't have anything to do with Jenny. I think it was because they perceived Jenny to be the predatory lesbian. I have always made it very clear that I made the decision with my eyes well and truly open. It was just very difficult because they were very cool towards Jenny. When Jenny was my mate, when I was married and she came round, they thought she was wonderful, but as soon as she became my significant other that was it.
They were awful. A lot of my Dad's friends were staunch church-goers and a lot
of these people had seen me grow up, had come to my first wedding, yet all of a sudden I seem to have grown a pair of horns and a tail. But I was the same person. My Dad was
convinced that it was a ‘white’ problem. He said it was "a European disease" and "they're in the gutter." That was when he was most vitriolic.
But, having said all that, they eventually came round and my Mum became very fond of Jenny. She came round wholeheartedly and my Dad came round, but he was more reserved. He was from Jamaica. They call gay men "Batty Boys", don't know what they call women. But it doesn't happen to black people, you see. It's a male, and it's a white thing. I’ve found that there is huge prejudice in the black community. I always used to think that if you're in any sort of minority group or oppressed group and – black people are oppressed – then I thought that they would be more tolerant to other groups but that's not the case.
I've been spat on once by a man. Some youths tried to heckle us once when we were walking into town. Oh, and we went to a wedding show where the woman selling the tickets wanted to know where our fiancés were and we said "We're marrying one another." There was a sharp intake of breath. I thought she was going to faint!
I feel very comfortable and I'm with my soulmate. I know that because when I'm not with her there's an emptiness. I can feel it in my stomach. I want to be with her forever because I love her to bits! It's been at a cost, but I'm prepared to pay the cost. I have paid the cost.
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